Despite, or maybe because, feeling happy and excited about Christmas, memories creep into my head which stop me in my tracks. Thoughts of my mother who should be here, but is not, pop up more regularly and it is as if I only just realizsed that she will never be here again, that she will never experience the joy of her grand-sons, that she will never feel the sun in her beloved garden again and … that she is so finitely dead. And when, during the festivities, sadness hits at most unexpected moments, it brings with it intense griefand renewed awareness that the world will never be the same without her, that her absence changed our lives forever. And even after 11 Christmasses withouth the usual festive candlelit dinner at Christmas EveI still wake up on the 24.December incredulous that she won’t celebrate with us.
But I also remember her positive vibrancy and her wisdom and then somehow I feel better and stronger. Her memory gives me inspiration and each year I want to make Christmas a happy and lovely time just like she always did for me.

I am amazed that every Christmas people say that children need to believe in Santa Claus and that for Christmas to be magical they must believe that Santa delivered their presents. All I can see is this being a sure way of destroying children’s imagination because this ubiquitous white bearded creature, who has nothing to do with the real Santa, is pre-programmed belying children’s wonderful ability of imagination. Even as a non-theist, and an ex catholic, I am offended on behalf of all the Christians who try convey a message of tolerance and peace all year and not only when Santa tells them to.
Saint Nicholas, who was born in what is now Turkey, and whose ‘saints day’ is celebrated on 6 December among many Christian nations,always tried to help the poor secretly and I imagine he would be more than appalled that the Anglo Saxon world made him the figurehead of Christmas ahed of JC. He is probably spinning in his grave since the red and white clad Santas started harassing people in the name of consumerims.
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=167